Quiet

Quiet

I remember years ago when my fiancé (now husband) told me that I was his best friend. To be honest, I was taken a back. We had a short courtship and while I loved him very much, at that point, it had not occurred to me to think of him as my best friend. It was an odd moment for me because I knew a husband and wife were supposed to be best friends, and that this amazing man that I was planning to marry should be my best friend. At the time however, my mind went to my friend Mel, who I had considered my best friend and I almost felt like I was betraying her.

You don’t have to fast forward very much at all before that sense of “treason” was long gone, and my love, my husband, was and still is my very best friend.

My husband and I have a slightly different daily schedule than many couples enjoy. From the start, we have spent nearly every day together. We went to the same school together, and after his graduation, we moved to our first work. There he was blessed with getting to “office” from home, so he was there all day. Now, there are pros and cons to that of course, but that is for another blog post. We have since moved, but he still gets to work from home and so again, we are around eachother all day, every day.

There have been a few times in the last ten and a half years where we have been apart. He has gone on a few week long work trips, and once a year for the past few years, I have gone to a weekend ladies retreat. When it all adds up though, it is nothing like when you kiss goodbye in the morning and do not see each other again until the evening. Needless to say, these two weeks without him are going to be trying, because I simply love to be with my husband.

It is quiet right now. My boys are in bed, and while I should probably be knocking some work out, I am writing, because…my best friend is not here to talk to.

Yesterday, as we drove away from the airport, our youngest son told me: “Mom, I know your heart has a crack in it right now, but don’t let it turn into a hole. It’s going to be okay”. (phew…just quoting him makes me want to cry). I am not upset though. I told him that, “Yes, there does seem to be a small crack, but thankfully God knows how to fill cracks, and He would do that for me.” You see, I have known ladies whose husbands abandoned them. I have known widows, both young and old, who have experienced a loss that I can only imagine because my heart is stitched to that of my husbands, but I have not felt the despair that comes from having that stitching ripped away with such finality.This time from my husband will be hard, but I feel almost shallow because I can’t possibly compare what I am experiencing with what they live with.

However, these feelings are real. As I said earlier, it is just a little too quiet. My heart goes out to women who live with quiet, day in and day out. I pray that God will fill in that crack and replace the quiet pang of longing with His peace.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7-8

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